Only once have I had a long term relationship. I always complain of life failing to meet my expectations. But after the dust settled I realized how lucky I was to be  with my best friend for my first shot at love. No situation is perfect, ours was far from it. As I look at the mosaic of my life though I realize every situation was absolutely perfect for a certain point in time, for that night, or for four years. We  were meant to be together in that time and place, not meant to be together forever.

An amicable breakup can be deceiving, you are just less aware of the fact that your heart is broken. Such has been my recent fate, and ever so slowly I have been crawling out of that hole, relearning how to live life on my own this past year. No matter the reason, where you are, how you got there, why they are gone, losing someone you love is a trying process. And while I didn’t lose him completely, I lost us. He did too. Our romance never to be got again. It will happen again and again and it will never be easy.

News of him moving on has stung more than I thought. “I’m fine with it.” Yeah right. It pulls on your heart strings, the final sign that things have changed for good. You regret for a moment, you wonder if you made the right choices, your nostalgia chokes you up as you remember the beginning, the early flutters of love.But then you remember the end and a voice reminds you for the 13 millionth time that, “everything happens for a reason.”

The caterpillar must  turn into that beautiful butterfly once again. In the depths, in the darkness, in the unknown, in times of profound change, you will find yourself once again. You will find the gold in you, that divine alchemy was taking place the whole time.